It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Olivia's Christmas Songs:

'Frosty the Snowman'

Frosty the Snowman
Was a chubby happy soul
With a Koonka pipe

'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'
Then one froggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say

Stinky

Olivia and Leah were sitting on the couch, and Olivia passed some silent but deadly gas. Leah looked at Olivia and said:

Leah: Olivia, did you toot? Did you poop?

Olivia: What? Um, I don't know what happened. Maybe it was a skunk. They make stinky stinks, right?

Painkillers

Olivia was pretending to be a doctor today and was taking care of her big elephant, Ellie. She took her temperature, gave her a shot, and checked her reflexes. Her diagnosis?

Olivia: Daddy, her back hurts.

Me: Do you think she needs an aspirin?

Olivia: (starts laughing) Ass print?

Who needs a lifeguard?

Leah and Olivia went for a walk the other day while I was at work, and happened to walk past the pool at our condo complex. Leah pointed out to Olivia that the pool was closed for the year. Olivia got a very serious look on her face and said : 'But Mama, where are all the life... the life coaches?'

Sense of direction

I picked Olivia up from daycare, and when we got home I had my hands full with my computer bag, lunchbox, her lunchbox, school work, etc. I asked Olivia to grab her key and unlock the door to house since I didn't want to put everything down. She grabbed her key out of her bag, and proceeded to walk down the sidewalk past our house towards the neighbors. I asked her 'where are you going, silly?' She said 'I'm going to Jon and Cindy's house. That's not right!!'

Huh?

Leah wanted to hang the picture of our property in Colorado, so I was downstairs in the basement last night looking for a hammer. I heard the little patter of Olivia's feet as she came down the stairs, and she started yelling:

'Daddy, are you downstairs?'

'Yes I am, sweetie.'

She came around the corner and looked at me. 'What are you doing down here?'

'I'm trying to find a hammer for mama.'

'You're trying to find a hammer for mama? Well give a dog a bone!'

Ice Pack

Leah's back has been hurting her for a few days, and she's been trying to use ice on it and has been wearing her back brace.

Olivia wanted to go to the park by our house, and kept asking Leah and I if we wanted to go. We had to come home the previous day because Leah's back was bothering her so badly, so when Olivia wanted to go today she said:

'Mama, you want to go to the park? You can take your ice pack if you want to!'

What day is this?

We had to go to a few different places to visit family on Easter: my mom's house in the morning, and then went to Leah's aunt's house for dinner. Olivia was getting a lot of presents and Easter baskets. Just before dinner Olivia said:

'This is the best birthday ever!'

Yummy!

We were getting ready to go for a walk the other day, and I was eating a granola bar. Olivia looked at me and said 'Daddy, I want a bite!' So I broke off a little piece and handed it to her. She looked at it and said 'Wow! That sure looks good!!'

Can you say enabler?

Olivia went to the fridge, grabbed a beer, a brought it to me without any kind of asking on my part. She then went back to the fridge, grabbed another beer, and then went to Leah and said:


"Mommy I'm going to bring you a Beer because you need a Beer to grow big and strong. Daddy is drinking a beer, see?"

Not exactly what mama meant...

It's been awhile since I've posted, and I have a few new ones to write. There's been some medical issues in the family, and we've been dealing with that for a week now.

We were driving back from the hospital on Sunday, and we were debating what we wanted to do for dinner. It was almost 8 o'clock, so we were trying to determine if we should just go to the store, get takeout, etc. Leah suggested 'We can go to the store and cook'. Olivia piped up from the backseat 'Mama, you don't cook in stores! You cook in houses!!'

Pot Head

Olivia was in the kitchen with Leah over the weekend, and grabbed a small pot out of the cabinet. She started wearing it like a hat, and was running around yelling 'Look Mama! I'm a pot head!'

Grammatically correct

Olivia's understanding of English is amazing. I was playing hide and go seek with her the other day, and she was being the seeker. Normally, Leah or I will be the seeker with her, and we taught her 'Ready or not, here we come!'. Leah was upstairs on the phone, so I was playing with her by myself. Olivia was in the kitchen counting and said:

'Ready or not, here we...I come!!'

How does a 2 year old know that we is plural, and when there's only 1 person it's I? So smart.

Olivia's 'Candle'

Leah and I got Kindle Fire for Christmas that Olivia has decided is hers, and she affectionately calls her 'Candle'. We did put a few games on there for her, like a memory game, and a drawing game, so we're probably to blame. It can be a little frustrating when you're trying to get something accomplished on it though. I was sitting on the floor using it the other night, and Olivia came up to me and said:

Olivia: Put the Candle to me Daddy! Grandpa bought it for me!

Me: Olivia, it's not yours. I'm using it.

Olivia: NO! Grandpa bought it for me!

Bad Doggy...

We were at our friend's house to watch the Super Bowl (ending almost made me cry, by the way), and they have a Golden Lab named Odin. He started scratching his neck, which rattled his dog collar. Olivia started yelling:

'Odin, stop it!! You're making too much noise!'

Making Mama Mad...

Today was the big day, where Olivia got to be a flower girl for her Grandpa's wedding. Unfortunately, she was an absolute nightmare before the event, and had 3 or 4 major meltdowns before noon. We finally got her dressed and out of the house, because we still needed to get her some shoes and tights. We went to Target, and got her inside. We were there for maybe 5 minutes before she had another colossal meltdown. I took her out to the car and get her strapped into her seat. I started the car and was going to meet Leah at the door and Olivia started yelling:

'Daddy! Don't drive away! Mama will be mad at you!'

'I'm not driving away. I'm going to pick up Mama.'

'No, don't drive away! Mama will be mad!'

I can't find my hat...

Olivia was ready to leave her friend Manny's house. She went and grabbed her boots and hat and started putting her stuff on. Right after this picture was taken...

Olivia: Daddy, where's my hat?

Me: Um, it's on your head sweetie.

Olivia: Oh. (Puts her hand on her head) There it is!

This Is Jeopardy!

Olivia and I were watching Jeopardy, and there was an answer about a charge card created in 1950 by Frank McNamara after he lost his wallet in a restaurant. The question?

Me: What is Diners Club?

Olivia: What is Dinosaurs Club?!

I said 'Demanding'...

Me: Olivia, you can be very demanding sometimes.

Olivia: I'm not Amanda!!

Your Doctorate is in What Exactly...?

Olivia was playing with her doctor's kit, and kept giving me shots. I said 'Dr. Olivia, where did you get your medical license?' She said 'I don't know. I don't have a medical lettuce.'

Sharks

Olivia: I'm not a shark. I'm not a shark because I have eyebrows!

The Prognosis Isn't Good...

Olivia's Grandma was over yesterday and got a cramp in her leg. Olivia said 'It's OK Grandma.I have a doctor kit.  I can fix it for you.” She went and got her kit and was giving Grandma a “check up”.

Grandma: "Am I going to live, Dr. Olivia?"

Olivia: “I don’t think so...”

Toaster

Olivia: Daddy, I want a bagel.

Me: OK, sweetie. Do you want it plain or toasted?

Olivia: We can't toast it Daddy. Only bread lives in the toaster.

Me: It's OK to toast a bagel too.

Olivia: NO! Only bread lives there!

Jellyfish

We were watching a nature documentary on Netflix (I love Netflix if you can't tell) and I kept asking Olivia what the different animals were. They showed a scene with a large group of jellyfish:

Me: Wow, Olivia, do you know what those are?

Olivia: Uh, those are Bubbles!!!





Later on, they showed another group of jellyfish like the ones to the left. Olivia started yelling:

'Daddy, Daddy! She hurt her leg! She hurt her knee!!'

She's Better at Sales than her Dad!!

Olivia LOVES Thomas the Tank Engine! Leah and I aren't huge fans of the show, but she likes it, so we'll let her watch it occasionally. She always wants to watch the show on Netflix, and she goes out of her way to get us to turn it on. This is probably her best attempt ever!

Olivia: Mama, you wanna come sit down on the couch with me?

Leah: Sure sweetie!

Olivia: Mama, you wanna come sit down on the couch with me and relax?

Leah: OK, that sounds like fun!!

Olivia: Mama, you wanna come sit down on the couch with me and relax watch Thomas?!

Olivia's Geography Test



I didn't eat Papa, I swear!!



I was talking to Olivia about her Grandma, and she said 'Grandma lives in Brighton!' I don't know where Olivia learned that, so as a test, I asked her where Papa lived (that's her Grandpa's nickname). She said 'I don't know.' I told her that he lives in South Lyon, and she got a big smile on her face and replied 'Yeah!'

Leah got home a little later from work and asked Olivia where Grandma lives, and she yelled 'Grandma lives in Brighton!!' We decided to test her again and asked where Papa lived, to which she got a really confusef look on her face and replied 'I don't know.' 'Yes you do, honey.' 'Uh, he lives inside lions!!'

Everybody Poops!

Olivia was using the potty, and suddenly yelled out:

'Daddy, I poop! Just like Mama!!'

She's very observant

I was crawling around on all fours, and Olivia was chasing me around the couch. I stopped behind the couch and grabbed her when she came running by me and tickled her. We did this several times, except one time I hid under the blanket hanging off the back of the couch. She stopped, looked at me, and said 'Daddy, you're weird. You're really weird!'

What's in the woods?

It's been unseasonably warm the last few days. It already feels like Spring, which is dangerous because we haven't even had a good snowfall yet! I'm really dreading the winter now, because it feels like it's already over, and it hasn't even started.

It was about 46 out yesterday, so we decided to go for a walk through the woods by our house. They just opened up a paved trail less than a mile from us, and there are some unpaved hiking trails that weave their way through the woods. It's really nice, especially when you consider downtown Northville is less than a mile away.

Olivia was having a blast, running through the mud and picking up sticks and waving them around like swords. We asked her if there were animals in the woods. She said yes. 'What kind of animals?'

'Elephants... and more elephants, chickens, dogs, cows, tracks, deers, kittys, giraffes....'

We just let her keep going. The more kids grow up the more you realize you want to live in their world, where elephants and giraffes are always right around the corner. Being an adult is too serious.

Zoo

It was so nice outside that we decided to go to the zoo (yes, we went to the zoo in January. In Michigan!) Most of the animals were inside, so we walked through and saw the giraffes. We were going to see the rhinos and Olivia yelled out:

'I want to go see the rhinoculars!!'

She's growing up

It's a sad day.

Olivia has always said 'ornage' instead of orange. She wants 'ornage juice', pumpkins are 'ornage', as are carrots. It's so cute to see kinds come up with their own words.

She now wants 'orange juice'. I just want to grab her and tell her to just slow down, there's no reason to grow up so fast. She wouldn't listen to me though, she never does.

Crash!

Olivia has a little toy car that only has one button. You hit the button once and the car goes forward; the next time you hit it, the car turns in a circle. She was worried about the car running into the wall and crashing, so I was trying to explain how to get it to turn to avoid the wall. She still didn't believe me, but she started hitting the buttons and sure enough, it ran right into the wall. She looked at me and said 'See Daddy? I told you it was gonna crash!'

Turkey

Olivia just said she wanted turkey. So I went and grabbed a piece for her, and she said:

'I don't like this stuff', meaning the outside part of the turkey.

I told her 'That's the best part sweetie.'

Her response?

'But it isn't...'