It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Olivia's Christmas Songs:

'Frosty the Snowman'

Frosty the Snowman
Was a chubby happy soul
With a Koonka pipe

'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'
Then one froggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say

Stinky

Olivia and Leah were sitting on the couch, and Olivia passed some silent but deadly gas. Leah looked at Olivia and said:

Leah: Olivia, did you toot? Did you poop?

Olivia: What? Um, I don't know what happened. Maybe it was a skunk. They make stinky stinks, right?

Painkillers

Olivia was pretending to be a doctor today and was taking care of her big elephant, Ellie. She took her temperature, gave her a shot, and checked her reflexes. Her diagnosis?

Olivia: Daddy, her back hurts.

Me: Do you think she needs an aspirin?

Olivia: (starts laughing) Ass print?

Who needs a lifeguard?

Leah and Olivia went for a walk the other day while I was at work, and happened to walk past the pool at our condo complex. Leah pointed out to Olivia that the pool was closed for the year. Olivia got a very serious look on her face and said : 'But Mama, where are all the life... the life coaches?'

Sense of direction

I picked Olivia up from daycare, and when we got home I had my hands full with my computer bag, lunchbox, her lunchbox, school work, etc. I asked Olivia to grab her key and unlock the door to house since I didn't want to put everything down. She grabbed her key out of her bag, and proceeded to walk down the sidewalk past our house towards the neighbors. I asked her 'where are you going, silly?' She said 'I'm going to Jon and Cindy's house. That's not right!!'